Two Letters
(Part 1)
This post is dedicated to you, the two letters of my name. It's been like 10 years since I know you from the start. I still remember seeing you in the corridor during the beginning of our high school. A lot of people had been talking about you, but I didn't know you at all and I didn't even have any interest to get to know you.
That first "hello" from you at Facebook message, continued to Messenger, and exchanged phone number occured at one glance. It seems I have known you for some times, and we always laugh everytime we talk. We used to have the same display picture, teasing one another about who's the "ugliest" and have our own nickname everytime we call one another. But when we met face to face, there is no words came from our mouth. Just seeing each other with a smile while our heart was beating so fast. Too shy to say hi, but deep down we both know we're so happy even just to see each other from a distance.
We used to have that late night phone calls before we slept, scared our parents would suddenly wake up and heard our conversation. Talking about school, making our own story, and starting to get to know each strengths and weaknesses. Our conversation would be as simple as "how you angry?", "what if suddenly one of us disappeared?", wondering on how our future would be when we grow up. We were young and naive back then. But I got to admit I love our random midnight talks. Most importantly, you are the first person who asked me to read bible, having daily devotions, and spend time with God.
Few months passed, those were happy memories for me. Until that day, on your birthday to be exact, when we admit we fell in love. Guessing whom we like start with letter "D" and we keep laughing in guessing the name. It's my first time knowing someone whom I like, like me back. That's the first night when I felt butterflies in my tummy, face turns to red, and we both kept thanking God for each other's existence. That day, I got my first three words from you so maybe that's the thing that make you special for me.
Until one day, due to all my insecurities, your indecisiveness, and our immature soul, we lost our tracks. It ended. We stop talking, just went with our own life and never talk again. However, we still have one last memory on that rainy day.
I went overseas to further my study, and so do you. I heard you have found the new one and I did too. Since then, we barely talking, only wishing happy birthday to each other and say hi for the sake of being an old friend. We went separate ways with our new life and our new ones.
(Part 2)
Fast forward, 9 years passed. I ended my 3 years relationship and you ended your 6 years relationship. Honestly, I'm shocked when I heard the news but I know both of you are the person who always surrender to God. So whatever the reason is, I believe both of you knows what's best.
As I remembered, I never meet you for almost 5 years. We met once only to say hi and that point of time we were still together with our new ones.
July 2018, I went to Sydney for the first time as my birthday escape routine. I contacted you and my best friend, hoping we could catch up about life since we never talk for years. I didn't expect anything to happen, just wondering how are you at that point of time. 8 July, on my birthday, I went to your church and you accompany me in the morning. First thing you did when you meet me, you just shoke my hand. Awkward wasn't it? caused I felt the same thing. Then, we went to a small coffeeshop nearby to have a chat before the church begin. We shared about our future plans - work related, the responsibility that we had, and telling a story about our dads.
After church, we went together with the rest to have some lunch. You guys celebrated my birthday and I was touched for the simple surprise that I never expected before. Then, we went to Power House Museum, you made me a lego cake. I thought there's nothing much happened between us, you didn't even congratulate me although at the end I know, you also helping my friend to prepare the surprise. We had dinner, sharing our food and you blew up my birthday balloon. I thought that one is unforgettable.
Deep down, I still think I haven't catch up with you yet and I really want to know how are you for the past 9 years. There are things that I want to clear to you too so I brace myself to ask you out for a dinner. We shared about God's presence involve in our life, we both struggle in uncertainties and you reminded me to have a heart like Abraham who trust God's way wherever He wants us to go.
We continued by sharing about each other's relationship and I really impressed by both of you, your ex and yourself. It's not easy decision to end a long relationship when you felt there's nothing wrong. It's much different than my story, when God clearly saving and drawing me closer to Him. Last, we talked about our story. I clear things up to you and apologise for judging you without asking and finding the truths. There were some misunderstandings and wrong assumptions that made us knew why we didn't work out back then. Glad to be able to clear things up with you. You sent me home to the train station and we wait until few trains passed. I did enjoy our meet up on that night.
Next, I joint your cell group and I was blessed by a lot of things. It's nice to finally have chance to get to know you better even in a big group. Cause I feel, 9 years ago was so hard even just to say hi. We had one more day to spend together and we played at Timezone with the others. We both compete in the basketball game, and sat together for the VR experience. I would tell the fun fact about this in part 3 of this story. The day after, you didn't even say hi or bye to me although you knew it was my last day in Sydney. You said you didn't have any time to meet my best friend and I for a dinner. A little disappointed, but I drew a conclusion if you didn't feel the same way as I felt. I left you a note, saying thankyou for spending time with me while I was there and give you a verse Philippians 1:6.
(Part 3)
September 2018, the day I was about to start the new chapter of my life in China. One of my cell group member gave me a verse Philippians 1:6 before I left. And the other member pray for me telling me to be like Abraham who surrender to God who's leading the way. Those incident did remind me of you.
December 2018, I went back to Sydney for a sudden and my best friend went back for good. So I told you again I would come to visit for few days. You were willing to have a dinner with me and asking me to ask others. You invited me again to your cell group. But when I asked if you have time to catch up with me, you said you didn't. I felt you kinda avoiding me and I'm not sure I should go to meet you or not.
We agreed to have dinner together with the rest and I'm surprised there were a lot of people there including your sister. I kept quite, didn't ask any questions, and really want to go home. Honestly, I'm not good in a big group especially with new people. Then, we continued to have some dessert. The situation was better, I start opening up and talking to your sister as well. Thank God, she's so friendly and make things less awkward for me. You didn't ask me a lot of questions but I could see you try to make me feel comfortable.
There's an incident that I would be homeless for day. I asked wether I could stay for a day at your place just sat in the living room or I could go directly to the airport. You said you have taught about it and not allowing me to stay at airport, you helped me to ask around so I can have a place to stay. On Friday, we had a cell group meeting at your place, buying a cup of hot chocolate for you. I always thankful for the opportunity to be able to share about life with your cell group. We could open up and encourage each other, really makes me feels like home. Besides, hearing your sharing, always turns to be something that comfort myself. You share about the importance of sharing, and it's something that I know, was hard for you. We played UNO together with the rest and it was such an enjoyable night. We laugh, we teased, there's no boundaries to talk to you anymore.
At night, I went home with the rest and you pat my back and said bye. I'm thankful for the time that we could spent together although it's only for a while. Before I left, I wrote another note for you. I wrote about how I think there's something that holding you back and I didn't know what it is. Caused to be honest, I felt the difference when it's only both of us and when we're in the big group.
I flew back to China, you sent me a safe flight message. That's all. However at night, you sent me a long message maybe after you read the note that I wrote for you. You said the reason why you holding back. You admit we had a story before and you scared of the old past feeling that we had, raise again. You avoid hanging out with me and only took me in the big group although, you want us to talk, share, and catch up about life. I really appreciate your honesty, I'm grateful that you can open up and talk directly to me.
Form my side, I did feel the same thing. I wondered if this feeling is only for a while cause of the circumstances or it's because you actually have certain place in my heart. I also need to figure it out this feeling by myself. But I just want to admit, I'm happy to meet you, I'm happy to catch up and talk about life with you. There are a lot of things that I want to learn from you but for now, I appreciate your preference. When time passed, we will know if this feeling is just because of the circumstances or this feeling is actually real. It's something that I should ask God too, cause I didn't want to follow what I want but I want to follow what He wants.
I guess 10 years definitely change us a lot, I may not know who are you know, so do you. We did fall in love back then, but to start again, I also want to know who you are now. I just want you to know, I'm glad to be friend again with you and you are still the same kind, genuine, yet thoughtful person. You still put God as your number one, and your family as a second. I admire you for that.
Btw, here's the fun fact. I used to write our stories in my diary so I remember a lot of things about us. There's one part when I dreamt I went to GameMaster with you when we're in high school and I also meet your sister and be friend with her. At that time, I told myself it's really impossible and how I wish that dreams will come true. 9 years later, it did come true. We played at Timezone and I get to know your sister. It's my personal revelation knowing that God is watching me from time to time, He knows what's in my heart and mind, and things that we thought is impossible, was actually possible for Him. How can I not be amazed by His love throughout my life?
This post is dedicated to you, the two letters of my name. It's been like 10 years since I know you from the start. I still remember seeing you in the corridor during the beginning of our high school. A lot of people had been talking about you, but I didn't know you at all and I didn't even have any interest to get to know you.
That first "hello" from you at Facebook message, continued to Messenger, and exchanged phone number occured at one glance. It seems I have known you for some times, and we always laugh everytime we talk. We used to have the same display picture, teasing one another about who's the "ugliest" and have our own nickname everytime we call one another. But when we met face to face, there is no words came from our mouth. Just seeing each other with a smile while our heart was beating so fast. Too shy to say hi, but deep down we both know we're so happy even just to see each other from a distance.
We used to have that late night phone calls before we slept, scared our parents would suddenly wake up and heard our conversation. Talking about school, making our own story, and starting to get to know each strengths and weaknesses. Our conversation would be as simple as "how you angry?", "what if suddenly one of us disappeared?", wondering on how our future would be when we grow up. We were young and naive back then. But I got to admit I love our random midnight talks. Most importantly, you are the first person who asked me to read bible, having daily devotions, and spend time with God.
Few months passed, those were happy memories for me. Until that day, on your birthday to be exact, when we admit we fell in love. Guessing whom we like start with letter "D" and we keep laughing in guessing the name. It's my first time knowing someone whom I like, like me back. That's the first night when I felt butterflies in my tummy, face turns to red, and we both kept thanking God for each other's existence. That day, I got my first three words from you so maybe that's the thing that make you special for me.
Until one day, due to all my insecurities, your indecisiveness, and our immature soul, we lost our tracks. It ended. We stop talking, just went with our own life and never talk again. However, we still have one last memory on that rainy day.
I went overseas to further my study, and so do you. I heard you have found the new one and I did too. Since then, we barely talking, only wishing happy birthday to each other and say hi for the sake of being an old friend. We went separate ways with our new life and our new ones.
(Part 2)
Fast forward, 9 years passed. I ended my 3 years relationship and you ended your 6 years relationship. Honestly, I'm shocked when I heard the news but I know both of you are the person who always surrender to God. So whatever the reason is, I believe both of you knows what's best.
As I remembered, I never meet you for almost 5 years. We met once only to say hi and that point of time we were still together with our new ones.
July 2018, I went to Sydney for the first time as my birthday escape routine. I contacted you and my best friend, hoping we could catch up about life since we never talk for years. I didn't expect anything to happen, just wondering how are you at that point of time. 8 July, on my birthday, I went to your church and you accompany me in the morning. First thing you did when you meet me, you just shoke my hand. Awkward wasn't it? caused I felt the same thing. Then, we went to a small coffeeshop nearby to have a chat before the church begin. We shared about our future plans - work related, the responsibility that we had, and telling a story about our dads.
After church, we went together with the rest to have some lunch. You guys celebrated my birthday and I was touched for the simple surprise that I never expected before. Then, we went to Power House Museum, you made me a lego cake. I thought there's nothing much happened between us, you didn't even congratulate me although at the end I know, you also helping my friend to prepare the surprise. We had dinner, sharing our food and you blew up my birthday balloon. I thought that one is unforgettable.
Deep down, I still think I haven't catch up with you yet and I really want to know how are you for the past 9 years. There are things that I want to clear to you too so I brace myself to ask you out for a dinner. We shared about God's presence involve in our life, we both struggle in uncertainties and you reminded me to have a heart like Abraham who trust God's way wherever He wants us to go.
We continued by sharing about each other's relationship and I really impressed by both of you, your ex and yourself. It's not easy decision to end a long relationship when you felt there's nothing wrong. It's much different than my story, when God clearly saving and drawing me closer to Him. Last, we talked about our story. I clear things up to you and apologise for judging you without asking and finding the truths. There were some misunderstandings and wrong assumptions that made us knew why we didn't work out back then. Glad to be able to clear things up with you. You sent me home to the train station and we wait until few trains passed. I did enjoy our meet up on that night.
Next, I joint your cell group and I was blessed by a lot of things. It's nice to finally have chance to get to know you better even in a big group. Cause I feel, 9 years ago was so hard even just to say hi. We had one more day to spend together and we played at Timezone with the others. We both compete in the basketball game, and sat together for the VR experience. I would tell the fun fact about this in part 3 of this story. The day after, you didn't even say hi or bye to me although you knew it was my last day in Sydney. You said you didn't have any time to meet my best friend and I for a dinner. A little disappointed, but I drew a conclusion if you didn't feel the same way as I felt. I left you a note, saying thankyou for spending time with me while I was there and give you a verse Philippians 1:6.
(Part 3)
September 2018, the day I was about to start the new chapter of my life in China. One of my cell group member gave me a verse Philippians 1:6 before I left. And the other member pray for me telling me to be like Abraham who surrender to God who's leading the way. Those incident did remind me of you.
December 2018, I went back to Sydney for a sudden and my best friend went back for good. So I told you again I would come to visit for few days. You were willing to have a dinner with me and asking me to ask others. You invited me again to your cell group. But when I asked if you have time to catch up with me, you said you didn't. I felt you kinda avoiding me and I'm not sure I should go to meet you or not.
We agreed to have dinner together with the rest and I'm surprised there were a lot of people there including your sister. I kept quite, didn't ask any questions, and really want to go home. Honestly, I'm not good in a big group especially with new people. Then, we continued to have some dessert. The situation was better, I start opening up and talking to your sister as well. Thank God, she's so friendly and make things less awkward for me. You didn't ask me a lot of questions but I could see you try to make me feel comfortable.
There's an incident that I would be homeless for day. I asked wether I could stay for a day at your place just sat in the living room or I could go directly to the airport. You said you have taught about it and not allowing me to stay at airport, you helped me to ask around so I can have a place to stay. On Friday, we had a cell group meeting at your place, buying a cup of hot chocolate for you. I always thankful for the opportunity to be able to share about life with your cell group. We could open up and encourage each other, really makes me feels like home. Besides, hearing your sharing, always turns to be something that comfort myself. You share about the importance of sharing, and it's something that I know, was hard for you. We played UNO together with the rest and it was such an enjoyable night. We laugh, we teased, there's no boundaries to talk to you anymore.
At night, I went home with the rest and you pat my back and said bye. I'm thankful for the time that we could spent together although it's only for a while. Before I left, I wrote another note for you. I wrote about how I think there's something that holding you back and I didn't know what it is. Caused to be honest, I felt the difference when it's only both of us and when we're in the big group.
I flew back to China, you sent me a safe flight message. That's all. However at night, you sent me a long message maybe after you read the note that I wrote for you. You said the reason why you holding back. You admit we had a story before and you scared of the old past feeling that we had, raise again. You avoid hanging out with me and only took me in the big group although, you want us to talk, share, and catch up about life. I really appreciate your honesty, I'm grateful that you can open up and talk directly to me.
Form my side, I did feel the same thing. I wondered if this feeling is only for a while cause of the circumstances or it's because you actually have certain place in my heart. I also need to figure it out this feeling by myself. But I just want to admit, I'm happy to meet you, I'm happy to catch up and talk about life with you. There are a lot of things that I want to learn from you but for now, I appreciate your preference. When time passed, we will know if this feeling is just because of the circumstances or this feeling is actually real. It's something that I should ask God too, cause I didn't want to follow what I want but I want to follow what He wants.
I guess 10 years definitely change us a lot, I may not know who are you know, so do you. We did fall in love back then, but to start again, I also want to know who you are now. I just want you to know, I'm glad to be friend again with you and you are still the same kind, genuine, yet thoughtful person. You still put God as your number one, and your family as a second. I admire you for that.
Btw, here's the fun fact. I used to write our stories in my diary so I remember a lot of things about us. There's one part when I dreamt I went to GameMaster with you when we're in high school and I also meet your sister and be friend with her. At that time, I told myself it's really impossible and how I wish that dreams will come true. 9 years later, it did come true. We played at Timezone and I get to know your sister. It's my personal revelation knowing that God is watching me from time to time, He knows what's in my heart and mind, and things that we thought is impossible, was actually possible for Him. How can I not be amazed by His love throughout my life?
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